Values, Compassion & A West Coast Road Trip

The people closest to me have made the statement, usually when I'm going through a breakup, that I thrive on drama. Like I actually seek it out and use it as daily motivation. The funny part, I don't see it. Or at least I don't think I'm looking for it, it just seems to appear. Does that mean I'm creating it?

I like calm, mellow, understanding, positive, happy, serious, intense, exciting, exotic, forbidden, serendipity, surreal...

I try to help the confused, I try to advise the sad, and I definitely let someone know if they're a burden, or annoying.

Maybe that's it, I need to start keeping my mouth shut, mama always said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. But allowing those actions in my presence just reinforces that they're OK, when clearly, at least in my mind, they're not. I can't accept that keeping my mouth shut is the only option, my opinions come out because that's who I am. So I guess to know me, or to have an opinion about me, means that you either love me or hate me. You either get me and accept me, or you don't.

The Buddha tells us to practice Compassion when looking for answers to life’s difficulties, try to understand their suffering, and until one does remember patience.

I’m not a fan of publicly airing dirty laundry, yet I fell into it as my response to some recent family drama. (Patience test = FAIL)

After some time I realized the folly of my ways, it took some criticism from someone that's known me a long time but that still wasn’t enough. A close friend has been going through a breakup and Facebook became the one not interested in being singles conduit for support... I don’t agree. (Compassion test = FAIL)

So to practice compassion I dug up some patience and placed myself in their shoes. I didn’t get it, but at the same time who am I to judge? I just did the same thing, not quite on such a public forum but in public none the less. I’ve since rescinded my opinions & accusations on my blog, (don’t bother looking) - keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself.
 
I’ve discovered once again that just writing, regardless of who reads it, is therapy enough. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but this time it was different, I had been ordered to stay away and not contact those I was upset with so the blog seemed like my only voice when nobody wanted to listen. I think they heard me, but I could have handled it with a bit more grace. Of course I still have everything I wrote, but its for me to decide who reads and not for just anyone who happens to end up navigating to “Living the Dream.”

It took me seeing someone else making that mistake to understand, so I guess I am thankful for the public announcements of hatred and disappointment that I was forced to read on my news feed. I am bothered since their actions have since turned me off to Facebook, I’m hoping to find the energy to tolerate it once again but for now I’m on a break.

You lose some, you win some :)

In just over a month I’ll be on a ferry cruising to the Grecian isle of Santorini, enjoying our honeymoon and the fruits of our planning over the past six months. We're meeting another honeymooning couple, Nora & Roy. I'm looking forward to seeing familiar faces while abroad, Dorothy & Nora went to the University of Arizona together in Tucson. After that we’re taking another ferry to the isle of Crete, enjoying an all-inclusive resort and the privileges only honeymooning couples can. (Room service like everyday, massages, long walks on the beach, nakedness, lots of nakedness... )


Than our trip still has seven days left and we haven’t delegated anything to fill that time, I think we’ll find another island, perhaps with some climbing, or maybe vineyards… That trip will wrap up in Athens after over three weeks abroad, and then back to San Diego. Once back we’ll settle into our life as Mr & Mrs. Guinter, it’s time to continue looking for a full time gig, and planning. The future has endless possibilities, and our OB family has always welcomed us with open arms. This is still a great place to live, and after putting together a wedding of this many friends it has become clear to us that we are home, for now.

OK so I'm not sure how I slipped into future-casting, must be the influence of LOST on my brain. In Chapter Two I promised the conclusion of the "Summer of Dorothy," and how I came out of that summer still seeing a positive future.

Lonely is the Absence of Something you Desire.

I was down, you know when you don't get off the couch except to hit the bathroom things are bummin... I was mixing up days and just watching the stupid idiot box waiting for time to pass, eating didn't matter, and drinking was just a sleep aid. I had found out she was in Maine with the other guy, and her facebook status, after telling me there was still hope, no longer stated "In a relationship." I was crushed, but at least it was more closure. She might have handled it like a big pansy but it was letting me know what I needed to get over it.

On a Sidenote: Breakups should probably be handled digitally from now on, the face-to-face shit is awkward, and hard to escape from. It's really only the one getting broken up withs that requires in person discussion, because they still have hope. I say squash the hope, when the individual even thinks for a second its over, sever all ties and move on, life is short.

Welcome Jono!
Visiting from Korea, I had seen him just six months prior on his turf and after a few beers at the Electric Waste Band he convinced me to jump in a car with Bree, his bro-in-law Pat & himself for a road trip to Phish at Shoreline. He had come back to America for the 2-day Gorge run but figured he had some time to kill why not fill it with more Phish, and perhaps some much needed "friend therapy" for me.

We left late the next night, along the way we crashed in Santa Cruz for a night with the Floor’s, and the next day we raged a band I hadn’t seen since Las Vegas in 2004, like it was 2004! Good friends, good times, I was quickly on the road to recovery… but one show wasn’t enough.

Serendipity smiled on me around 4am when Rain met up with us, and introduced me to his new girl Sommer, who I sensed may want to continue the road trip to the Gorge, Washington, a venue I’ve always wanted to see, but never had the time for. NOW was the time. Sure I shoulda probably been working on finding employment, but I was just a few weeks out from a breakup and I was determined to make this summer one to remember.


The three of us road-tripped it up Interstate 5 in her two-door RAV4, spent a night with Rain’s cousin in Portland, and eventually pulled onto the largest view I’ve ever witnessed for a concert. The Gorge was awesome, perched on the inside of a deep corner canyon extending into the Columbia River, and worth every moment of difficulty getting there. The weather was perfect, a large OB contingent had made the trek (including my Cousin Summer) and we proceeded to enjoy the two-day festival in Central Washington that Phish was kind enough to sponsor.
Woo Hoo! More new & old friends helping me remember where I came from, and plenty of distractions to help me forget my troubles. I’ll spare you the details, most of which are pretty fuzzy anyway :) 


I stayed up late, spent the afternoons in the river and saw music that was the only cure for what was ailing me. Big thanks to Rain and Sommer allowing me to invade their space, and showing me a time to remember. Even bigger thanks for making that HUGE drive back to San Diego, the west coast is Long, took almost three days, and when I got back I had about a day to prepare for her return

Deep down I hoped to get her back, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, there was no doubt. But I needed to put my life back together, I needed to find promise again, so I let her know how I felt but started looking for whats next. This is where Zach comes back in, he was one of my oldest friends, from Montoursville, and he had a possible solution if I could pick it up.

Zach had built a very successful web design business in Reno, and offered me the opportunity to mentor under him learning design and writing code. He hoped it could blossom into Project Manager, since he was tired of the day to day demands of client relations, but we started with a week long session at the end of August while Dorothy packed and moved her stuff. I had stayed in San Diego a week, a very long week, and escaped to Reno when I realized she was going to move and and I couldn't convince her otherwise.

So Washoe County is good, Zach had some friends that showed me around while he took care of some meetings. For the first few days we played, at one point I ended up standing underneathe the Squaw Valley Tram's upper counterweight enjoying a higher perspective. Overall I really like the biggest little city in the world and will not have any problems hanging here while educating myself on this new career and spending quality time with my old buddy. The 2nd half of the week was all about Hat Trick, I got setup with the necessary logins, started to learn the ropes, and just when I'm almost completely distracted from the emotional rollercoaster I'd riddin all summer, she wants to give it another shot.

Yes, she had returned back to her life "routine" and it seems someone was missing. Summer was over, it ended once again like it always does, and my 29 year old lover was figuring out that the solitary path she had chosen was not as fun as she thought.

To be continued...