Valentines, Ideas & some High Desert Furloughs

I actually outlined the different sections of this blog once I got going. It became boring writing everything in order, so I browsed my calendar and found the high points, while mixing in various wedding topics. I wanted to remember the (bigger) little details since it all seemed so foreign when I got into this, and perhaps help another bachelor convert (pronounced Kahn-vert) through his wedding day.

Maybe it's an original spin, maybe its boring, maybe its hard to follow, but firstly... it makes me feel better to get this out, I actually see a difference in my social interaction, I'm calmer and generally more fun to be around. And lastly, to record it fuckers! Emotions are running so high right now, I've never seen so much drama, it IS expected and I'm ready for it... now. (I think)

The Private Booth Chandelier

This is the seventh part of the "catching up" series, I had planned on having this section completed by the wedding but after recent events I'm not sure if that can happen. Regardless I'll make it all current once I return including the addition of the actual wedding, and our honeymoon in Greece.

So I'm going to continue the rest in chronological order. Rather than start with a wedding story and end with the continuation of my "diary," I'll be writing everything in order of recollection. Thanks for reading.

Meghan, Dirty 30 & Bree

Every year Dorothy has a birthday on February 14th, this year was a little more special since she was turning thirty on Valentines day and her BFF Meghan was visiting for the occasion. I layed out the weekend so my love wouldn't have to worry about it, the first stop was Harney Sushi, the private booth in the back was full and we had ourselves a fine fresh meal. Afterward we made it over to Bree's to meet Bridget & Dave (just in from Phoenix) for some late night cocktails.

Las Rocas

The next day we woke up early, our plan was to head back down to Las Rocas for another look and maybe have a margarita or two. We showed the property off to Meghan after a pleasant tour of Tijuana, and made it back to the states in time for the birthday girl to arrange that evenings events... we were going to our friends bar, Rosie O'Gradys! That night was filled with friends & fun times, the next day we had a BBQ and the VDay/BDay 3 day weekend came to an end.

Every year we've done something special  and exciting, I've set the bar pretty high for myself and had a good time doing it - but when its over I need some me time, this year Zach & I headed out to San Diego's East County to find some falls I'd been looking for. The 
"Three Sisters" are in the mountains NorthWest of Cuyamaca Peak. 

The Three Sisters

After a few dead-ends we found a path that offered a nice vantage to figure out our bearings. Less than a mile in, rather than continuing up the trail to the ridges summit we noticed quite a bit of water flowing across the valley, and some hikers confirmed that continuing downward would prove to be the best experience. We followed what senior citizens would refer to as a very steep and treacherous route towards the valley floor.

The trail was shady, but not beyond our ability, a little further down our vision became more clear and the three different cascades were obvious. They were awesome, and a bit of boulder hopping revealed some very easy to access creeks  swollen from the state parks winter runoff. The waterfalls were  running extremely fast, and we were careful not to slip on the polished granite. Once we made it to the top we could see back across the valley towards our starting point, going back that way did not look appetizing so we hoped to discover an alternate route.

We continued up the creek, towards a spot we later learned is called the "Devil's Punchbowl" - we actually cut across the creek due to the heavy brush and hiked up the rocky hillside peeking into the "bowl" rather than going through it. We made it to the top and got our best view of the day, the valley opened towards the ocean and we could see the great blue yonder on the horizon, I felt very relaxed. 

I'm sometimes amazed at how therapeutic sweating can be, I felt purified and energized regardless of the fact that we weren't exactly sure where we were. We knew the general direction of my truck but she still hadn't come into sight, and we hoped that ridge would be the last one between us and our transportation. We continued on and eventually found our way to the next hilltop, which had a great view of my Tacoma on the other side of a valley :) 

My Truck, WAY out there parked on the corner

So down and up we went, ending on the road, and after a short drive we made it the the Rong Branch Inn in Julian for a turkey dinner.


CLICK HERE for the Full Picasa Album

So life goes on, I keep working for Hat Trick & NBC while planning the wedding and studying html.

Have I mentioned that my sisters pregnant? Yep, niece number two is on the way - this probably didn't help us get along any better - this pregnancy seemed riddled with complications and Avery was having her own difficulties. Around now the 2 1/2 year old got admitted into the hospital, she was running a high fever and was not eating.. I could tell that this was the last thing my sister wanted to deal with. She is completely consumed by her world right now, and she's dedicated to making everything OK for her family. I understood, and was happy when my godDaughter was released the next day.

I had made a plan to meet some friends in JTree over my birthday, Jimmy (who you may remember from the Rainier blog) was taking 
a course in the park so Andy & I decided to meet up with him for some not-so-educational support... I was looking forward to climbing for the first time in a very long time! Pat & I made the drive and spent Friday on the rocks. 

Andrew, Me, Jimmy & Pat

That evening Dottie & Pat's girl Lisa graced us with their presence and we had snuggle buddies for the night...

the next day we climbed and hiked. Eventually a few more friends showed up and we drank our Saturday night away at Ryan Campground - good times and stellar weather - I couldn't have asked for a more perfect annual celebration. Birthdays have always ideally been spent away from home, in nature, with my closest friends. More often than not a ski trip might be in order, but I've opted to keep mixing it up over the years.

Some random things to note

I took the CBEST (California Basic Educational Skills Test) - one of my many brilliant ideas, essentially anyone who has a Bachelors Degree can pass this test to become certified to substitute teach in the various San Diego area school districts. I didn't receive approval till almost summer so I'll be ready when I return to attack this hopefully consistent temporary weekday employment. The money is OK and might inspire me to take my interest in teaching to the next level, that is whatever level seems to offer the most lucrative & long-term possibilities.

I also took the test to become a census worker. It was a civil service exam that I actually studied for, when the test concluded the moderator complimented me for only missing 2. I would have sworn I was a shoe-in for some type of position. I guess they had enough by the time my grades made it into the system, I followed up a few times but they never seemed to be looking for more help. I spent a good 5 hours setting up, studying and taking that exam, it pissed me off when I didn't get a call, I figured it was a perfect fit since I couldn't accept anything permanent due to my summer travel plans.  Fuck the census, I was actually looking forward to being part of something that huge, now I've just learned once again that the government is not to be relied upon, just appreciated.

Yes I'm anal-retentive, obsessively compulsive and overly thorough. Yes, I know! Like I've said already you either love me or hate me. To know me is to understand, accept and sometimes appreciate these (most of the time) annoying traits. 

Willy the Wedding Coordinator did not know me, but I'll bet he does now ;) I would wait about a month between my interrogative emails, saving up my questions till I got a reply from my previously listed inquiries. I spoke as clearly as I could muster since his first language was Spanish, and I'm pleased with the results. He confessed to my fiancée when she visited him in May that I was of the most involved grooms he'd ever dealt with, and that actually made me happy. I knew Las Rocas knows how to put on a wedding, but add in her vision and my attention to detail and we should be good to go.

I've been to a few weddings in my life, and one thing I always thought would be a good idea was passing out shot glasses as the wedding favors. Once again my old friend Zach had the answer, we could design a logo and have it applied to the shooter, he does this every year on pint glasses when he goes home to Antes Creek for PA's Opening Day of Fishing Season. After some deliberation and re-designs we sent our idea along with the preferred colors to discountmugs.com for production. The investment wasn't outrageous, and I'm able to keep a bunch so overall I'm happy with this idea. She gets  her expensive pictures, and we get to give fun gifts to our guests.

More time passes, more planning happens, things are falling in place and overall the only thing I'm disappointed about is the lack of response I've been receiving from the job front. Yes I'm working for Hat Trick and NBC, along with planning our summer matrimony, but for my free time I'd traded studying HTML for sending resumes and filling out online employment forms. It was miserable and monotonous, I had it dialed in to about 30 minutes for one job posting. Every form required you read every inch to verify you were filling in the blanks properly, yet they all asked the same questions. 

My eyes hurt from reading the monitor, I now look at the computer as work, staring at the screen quenches my organizational needs but I appreciate every moment my eyes aren't staring at a LCD of some sort. I do this because I really want to find something more permanent, a friend had recently broken his jaw and opened my eyes to how delicate we are, and how insecure I feel doing anything "dangerous" while not carrying a personal health insurance policy.

Towards mid-May Dorothy & I decided we needed to get away, there was an event outside of the town of Joshua Tree that I had been considering, and since she had that Friday off we loaded the truck and made the drive. The Joshua Tree Lakes Campground holds two music festivals every year, this one incorporated the up and coming electronic styles I've been listening to and the stages did not disappoint. Dottie & I enjoyed some late nights with friends in the clean crisp Mojave desert air, it was the perfect remedy for our work strained bodies.

Courtesy L. Rose

I'm gonna conclude this for now and pick up Chapter 8 with June and my Bachelor Party in Vegas... standby friends, we're just over a month away from the wedding! We started with Breaking Up and will end just before we head to Las Rocas. Its not much further now, a little more and I'll be writing about our adventures in Greece!

Growing Up, Movin' Out & the Holidays

I was actually trying to take a break from writing, I cranked so much out in five days that I felt I should "regroup" my thoughts a bit, research my history and try to remember how October through now had gone. My memory is easily jogged by my calendar and most of the info is pretty basic, but one can’t predict inspiration... so I guess its go time.

I'd rather regret the things I've done than things I haven't done.

I longed for a deeper involvement with the outside world, so I left home after high school in search of bigger things, having that craving and the lack of diversity in Lycoming County as my motivation. I ended up in Vermont, my first stop was farther from civilization but closer to nature & music - two of my passions. They were rash reasons for departing my home, maybe even immature, but I was testing my boundaries and finding my freedom. I was tired of asking permission to do everything, and I finally didn’t have to.

I barely remember speaking with my family after I left, unless I needed something. The college freshman lifestyle coupled with moving so far away from home helped me forget where I came from, and who I came from - I was looking for more challenges, life had been real easy while I was in Montoursville but I was searching for something further. I knew I had different goals than most kids, my dreams were not to find a wife, start a family or make lots of money... I wanted to go everywhere, try anything & see everything.

I remember the early years when I felt unsubstantial, I would lie about accomplishments just to keep up with conversations about things like concerts, camping & girls. Eventually I made my own stories, and gave up on the “embellishments,” for lack of a better word.

Who's to blame for the man I became? I never had the same bonds with my family as my friends but I have seen the world. Did I decide a long time ago what was important to me? I think that started my junior year of high school, when college was turning into a reality. I was seeing a world full of strangers and I wanted to meet everybody! I think they're responsible for who I've become, family is not just blood. I found friends that were as passionate about new music and travel as I was, and we discovered together how to get it done.

I am thankful for my families love and support, they taught me the values that have helped me make the right choices on this road of life. Looking back I do regret the many times I caused problems, what I did to my loved ones from ages 14 through 20 was the reason I didn't want children. People warn me about the terrible twos, but I'm way more concerned about the teenage years after the way I tested my parents patience.

I know I'm stronger having experienced life this way, I didn't carry the same distractions as most when becoming an adult, I was living for me and hopefully will never look back at the life I wish I would have had. 

Is love Hereditary, or is love Learned? 

Do most people find their inspiration for love from their parents or guardians? 

Is this another reason why I never considered children?

Is this why marriage always seemed like a path to heartbreak?

My sister seems to have figured it out early, maybe the teeny-bopper romance novels started her thinking about love. I think I got it from Hollywood at first, and then some painful personal research over the past two decades. 

Now I'm actually enjoying sharing the responsibility of going through life with someone. I'm 35 and tired of doing everything myself, people have been pairing up since the dawn of time, how have I never seen this before? I'm actually lucky enough to have found love!

Divorce sucks.

For those of you following the story, I'm picking up where I left off.

So Halloween happens, Dot & I sign the lease on our new place, we have dinner one Sunday at my Mom's and things seem OK.  I was just a little concerned about the email chain between my wife-to-be & my sister.  It seemed to be endless and I think it's at that point that I started to feel like I was being excluded from my own wedding. I know most dudes would probably be fine with that, but I wasn't. My sister's vision is not my own, and Dorothy was taking her word like it was mine. Whatever, I brushed it off hoping I was just being paranoid.

I made another commute to Reno for training, it was this trip to Reno that brought something else into my vision, I received a call from my old friend Christina about someone leaving KNSD...

Yeah, no joke. One of the few dudes left after the big layoff was leaving by choice and although I was not interested in being back on the weekends I'm all about making money wherever I can.  I wanted off unemployment and since a wedding was in the works I could not pass up an opportunity. I had a small dream that things might fall back into place the way they were, but after a little research I found out they had trained and promoted a guy from within that had been with NBC Universal longer than I had been.  He truly deserved an opportunity to grow. I'm all about fair and it was. I was now just hoping to get my foot back in the door to hopefully be the next in line.

Anyway, when I came back from Nevada I "interviewed" for the part-time version of my old job.  They wanted me to work the weekends, allowing the staff that remained since my layoff to have their weekends back to themselves. Right on, whatever, I needed money and although the pay wasn't as rewarding as it was before I was into it, it was familiar and after almost a dozen years in the biz I could pretty much do the job with my eyes closed.

At the same time I was also moving from my house on Brighton into our new residence just a mile or so away, on the Famosa Slough. Life was changing fast and I was doing my best to build Dorota & I a home with things like new furniture & a new bed. One day in the middle of this I babysat for my God-daughter, she was growing up so fast I embraced any opportunity they would give me to spend time with her outside of their normal routine. I love that little girl, and really want to help guide her through growing up.

So we had Thanksgiving Dinner at my Mom's, another festive event.  I was put to work assembling a grill or a bed and dinner was great, I'm sure there was wedding talk, maybe this was the time I pronounced I didn't need a budget, we'd just do what we want. The family gasped and told me there was no way I could do it without a budget.  Something didn't feel right, I felt ganged up on, maybe I was just being paranoid but I wasn't comfy. I wanted to be part of the planning, I wanted Dorothy to feel like a Princess and have everything she wanted...

At this point my recent spending for personal fulfillment were fresh memories, it was time to give back and with her help we can afford to do what we want. I am proud to say that today I still haven't looked at a budget. Her parents helped a lot, I sold my boat & bike, we used our tax returns and eventually I'm sure I'll take some money from my Dad. I found what WE wanted for an OK price, and although the big day hasn't happened yet I'm pretty proud of what we've created so far.

So we're all moved in but I never closed down the Brown House. Thanksgivings over, Zach had come down to finalize his moving plans and join the "end of an era" festivities. We had a RAGER, the DJ rocked till the wee hours, everyone signed the walls and we even pissed off the neighbors! (We had hoped for a visit from the police, but I guess in OB they don't come unless more than one household complains... I love this place.)

Overall a great party, I shoveled out the mess and eliminated most of my crap from the premises leaving the general stuff, thinking Damon would need most of it. 

When I spoke with Nick he had changed his mind about something, Damon was no longer allowed to stay. So we had a very short amount of time to fully clean the place while Damon frantically looked for a home.

Nick's a dick and he handled the situation like a true asshole. He had always been a weirdo, but this time he was straight unreasonable.  I'm sad about how Damon and I parted ways, but at the time I was more concerned about my new life.  I just wanted to leave my reference and credit in good standing. I know that is selfish but I'm not living for just myself anymore. I found out not too long after that his luck turned around and San Diego was working out for him, I hope to reconnect after I return from the honeymoon.

I worked a few weekends for NBC and found another weekday opportunity. After a multiply delayed flight due to Sierra snow I was in Reno, Zach had bought me the ticket so I could help pack him up for his move to SD. I was making money every day now, Christmas didn't seem so scary all of a sudden.

So just like clockwork, as soon as my professional life starts coming back together, my personal life begins to suffer.

I was not paying attention to the planning, and Dorothy was upset that I wasn't ready to set a date. I was still trying to assemble my future plans, I hadn't found anything stable so making any financial commitments seemed premature. I went to my family and asked for their opinion, and as family they supported me, they gave me the strength to be honest with my feelings, and my fiancée.

So I let her know, and we started trying to figure out a compromise.

Over the holidays when I wasn't working we found some time to spend with my family, but everything seemed diminished, Dorothy and I weren't getting along that well and my family was not feeling the love... eventually Dot & I figured out our issues and got back on track, so much so that my family may have started to feel neglected, or we started neglecting my family.

A few days prior to New Years Day I found out I had altered my mom's and sisters original plans so we could have dinner together. I never said anything to Dot till we were going to a New Years Eve party.  The next morning we decided that dinner would be a very uncomfortable experience and we should call it off. I figured it was gonna piss them off, I guess I had no idea how much. This is when my family stopped trusting us, including Jason & Dorothy was now a hassle that could leave them feeling let down.

I went dark to them at this point, mostly from embarrassment, but partly so I could put all my energy into turning my life around for the better. I didn't like being the implied charity case every time we went out, so I wanted to become a contributing member of society again. All that really mattered now was taking responsibility for the family I was creating.

We found a routine and it has worked so far; I work the weekends at NBC & weekdays for Hat Trick, in the evenings we have dinner together and on weekend mornings we plan our wedding. We researched the hell out of everything together and we make a good team.  She's persistent enough to get the job done and I keep it all organized.

To be continued...

Extreme Changes, A Different Dream Starts Living

There are some things that go along with getting married that I didn't understand. The first thing that comes to mind is photography. I have a few reasons for feeling the way I do, the main one being that I know plenty of laid-off photog's in the San Diego area, and framing a shot doesn't take a masters degree.


Now I know a picture's worth a thousand words, so the one thing we did agree on was that we didn't need any video... still shots would tell our wedding story. Great, second thing was finding a photographer - I didn't really care about this but I did know what I wanted to spend... no more than $500 for the day. Why?  Because I just wanted them to show up and snap pics, we'd pose after the ceremony but otherwise they would just be recording the days events. Seriously I planned on leaving a disposable camera on everyones table and figured crowd candids could fill in the gaps between pictures of ourselves. Can you tell how off-track I am yet?

I had spent so much time making albums of my trips that there was no way I was going to trust anyone else to do that. I wanted my friends, family and the hired shooter to hand me a shit load of .jpg's and I'd handle the rest, touching up with Photoshop and adding effects when the shot called for it. I've never been a big fan of still photography effects, so I figured I'd just add that stuff in if my wife & friends agreed this could enhance it. I could create the framers and eventually an album she could remember the big day with. 

So now that you know how I feel, I'll tell you how it's actually gonna go down.

Apparently my budget wasn't high enough for my love, and she decided to take her tax return and invest it into our wedding photography. Lets just say it was WAY higher than I had imagined, and I'm perfectly fine with her taking this on by herself since "posed" shots won't mean nearly as much to me as "candid's" in the long run. Brides have their ideas, and we just need to agree and accept them sometimes. She was very generous to work this out herself, and I've agreed to "perform" whenever she needs me to. I still hope to make my own albums, focusing more on the event than on her & I.

Enter BlueFlair Photography, Nikki was a former coworker of Dorothy's, she and her partner had built a great website promoting their wedding style... my fiancee was in love, again. Now as a member of the media for the past whatever years I'm well aware of retouching, and airbrushing, and all that fancy stuff that makes one look different after digital enhancements. I'm not impressed, but she is, and she wanted everything that most brides want including the book and an engagement session, in addition to their work on the big day. Fine, after a bit of arguing I surrendered, she wanted the expensive professional since they had agreed to knock a nice chunk off the price tag and their package included everything she was looking for.


I guess I should be happy, we're getting great work done for a discount, my Donia is getting what she wants, and I'm not paying for it. The first step was getting to know the ladies and what they had to offer, an experience I didn't require since they didn't need to sell their services on me, their only job at this point was to not miss the big moments. After an evening of planning and deciding on the package we wanted we planned our engagement photo session, we knew it was gonna be on the cliffs during the spring flower season. 


Dot & I have always held a special place in out hearts for the Sunset Cliffs and we knew that early April it would be in full bloom. We hit up Macy's for some nice clothes and met the photographers at the cliffs one evening for our session. The flowers did not disappoint, and neither did BlueFlair, we found some nice places to pose and they proceeded to shoot us from all the angles.  I like working with Nikki & Stefanie, after a few minutes I started to understand what all the money is for, they bring out your personality and help you feel comfortable in front of the camera. 

They also bring along special filters, lighting enhancers and a makeup artist. I don't encourage my wife-to-be to wear makeup, but will admit that a little mascara makes her already brilliant eyes glow in a fascinating way. They caught us in the dwindling light and impressed me a few weeks later with great shots of us silhouetted against the sunset. Additionally I'm well aware of the hours they spend in post making sure every hair is in place and no shadows or power lines are distracting our photographs, after doing the math for two photog's AND a makeup artist I've decided it's well worth the money. 




I'm now very excited that they are shooting our wedding, and rest a little easier at night knowing they'll have everything under control making one less thing for me to worry about.

A shorter story about the invites.
This is fun, really, putting all of your friends down and deciding who's important enough to make the cut. (that was sarcasm)


This went on for a while, everyone that had emailed me or called me in the last two years was on the list.  Of course it's hard to really decide how big that list is gonna be till you know where you're having the wedding, so the list was big.  I think we had over 200 people on it at one point, and once we decided on Las Rocas we narrowed it down to 180 or so.

Now comes the fun part, getting everyones email address... our plan was to email everyone our "Save the Date" promoting jasonanddorothy.com and requesting their snail-mail address. I'm a big fan of technology and still think this was a good idea, it saves the earth and a hell of a lot of work in the long run. I started my "wedding list" excel file that as I write this today, is still the main spot I come back to when checking stats for our big day. It totals up the attendees, how many bus riders and contains info on gifts and address for the eventual thank you notes. It's even telling me who's in what car going down Friday for our rehearsal dinner... ridiculous, I know.

Once we had the list narrowed down it was time to order the invites. Now having a designer as one of my groomsman I again thought we could just whip something up and send it to the printer. Wrong again, all that custom shit costs extra bucks... we found a nice gray/yellow invite on zazzle.com - you could design all of the wording, choose your own font and also have matching RSVP cards. After a few weeks deliberation we ordered these invites and enough envelopes for them and the RSVP cards, the price was right and we were on time for our early May send.

The last step was easy, once I figured out how it's done. Of course ideally every invitation, all 117 of them, should be handwritten by some fancy calligrapher. No thanks, I found some clear labels and printed them out myself. Once we had them all addressed & stamped, including the return envelope, they went in the mail! 


Overall the response was average, we're looking at about 60 for the rehearsal dinner Friday & 100 for the wedding.

"And it won't mean a thing in a hundred years" -Blues Traveler

OK, I'm back in San Diego and its time to start living like a local once again. I hadn't stayed put for more than a few weeks in almost a year and I was looking forward to reacquainting myself with my social network, in person.

Damon had moved in, with a vengeance. We had spoken briefly before he starting making changes, he was all about creating a happy environment for a few reasons; he wanted my recently reacquired love, Dorothy, to feel comfortable if she was hanging out at her old residence; he didn't want me to be too reminded of what her & I had here; and the place was old, so he wanted to brighten up the dingyness as much as possible.  I was all for it, so when I got back he had painted all of the wood paneling white, and added in some nice artsy elements to mellow out the place.

My new Pagan friend/roommate Damon seemed to be exactly what I needed, I was not interested in moving in with a person I had known forever, I'd gone down that road before and knew that the overall result would be anti-motivational. I have a tendency to hang out if I know the person I'm living with, and we get into trouble easily. This guy, although I enjoyed his company, had his own life and his own friends leaving me plenty of time to find my own path.


Life goes on, during the day I was driven to look for work whenever I wasn't studying or working for Hat Trick. In the evenings I was eating dinner with family or friends, and trying to work out my future. I stayed up late with my OB family and got up early to login to my virtual one. 


Lots of changes were about to happen, I just didn't know how fast

Sometime during mid-October Dorothy was informed by her roommate (she'd been living there just over a month) that he was going to be moving to New Zealand, she needed to find a new roommate or another place to live by December 1st.


So I'm faced with the ultimate ultimatum, how serious was I about getting back together with her? Her summer infidelity was still fresh in my mind but I wouldn't be with her if I wasn't trying to make it permanent. Kicking Damon out was not an option, she wasn't moving back in anyway, she hated that place and all of the nastiness that came with it. (it was an old house, lot's of mold had accumulated over the years and nothing short of demolition was going to save it.) So my decision is either move into her place or find a new one.

It wasn't really much of a choice, other than losing my bachelor pad everything was working out the way I had hoped. I had really planned on keeping the cheap rent till I landed myself some full time employment, but she agreed that if we were doing this she would be on board to help me out during any tough times... she really wanted to grow up and create a real home, with me. The signs were there, it was time.


Now I needed to explain it to Damon, from my side of things it all seemed to be worked out, but I needed to solidify my decision with a concrete commitment to her therefore justifying to Damon why, after living with him for two weeks, I was giving my notice. He understood, he is a true romantic at heart and knew he would have no problem finding another roommate... he was pretty stoked to inherit 4741 and I was happy to leave it to a friend.

I had been window shopping up until this point, browsing websites and picking married friends brains on how this all worked... like I explained, I had never really thought about getting married till I met Dorothy, so that main element to get the future started, that combination of minerals that makes it real, was a very foreign idea to me. It was time to conform, and I found the perfect ring - I decided that I would ask her sometime before we went to Indio for Phish's "8" Halloween Festival.

So her & I do a bit of apartment shopping, I've agreed to move in with her at the end of November, we just needed a place. Apartment hunting isn't fun, and I won't bore you with the details. We saw a bunch of places but no decisions were getting made yet, I was busy working with Zach, planning our Halloween trip to the desert and actually obtaining the ring in preparation for the big day.

Nancy was a few grades behind me at C.E. McCall Middle School when I met her, she was the quiet daughter of Jackie's Sister, Cindy. She moved here maybe ten years ago, after some time she met Dino, and they got married on the Sunset Cliffs... it was a beautiful ceremony and a fun reception, Dorothy & I had such a great time dancing & spending time together I was sure the decision I'd made was the right one.

The Proposal

On the cliffs, we were tired from apartment hunting so I asked if we could de-compress for a few minutes before heading to Dad's for dinner.

I walked her out onto a promontory, actually got a little lost and ended up on a rather precarious/narrow spot.  She went to sit down, I made her stand, grabbed her hand, knelt down and asked her if she was ready... she was like, are you serious?

So I poured my heart out for about 90 seconds, asked her if she would marry me and she responded "yes" as I was reaching in my pocket.  I presented the ring, her jaw dropped and I removed it and put it on her finger.  She was shaking as she hugged and kissed me.... after a few minutes of her being like "I can't believe this is happening" we were walking away and some crazy blond was yelling for us...

So we waited as she joined us up the hill, she said she was visiting from Florida and saw the whole thing, and took pictures of it.  She wanted our email address so she could send us the shots. (I still haven't gotten them :( )

I thought that was pretty cool, wish I could have found a more secluded spot but the mild crowd seems to have worked out.  A few peeps were watching, I guess we drew a crowd and a runner came up and congratulated us.  Cute & Embarrassing, totally OB.

The next day I gave notice to my landlord Nick, he was cool and promised to drop some papers off to complete the official side of transferring the lease to Damon, I would be moving out of the Brown House by December 1st. Nick was happy he wouldn't need to find another tenant, and I was glad to leave someone I know in such a convenient spot. I think Damon was so grateful he lent me the biggest tent I've ever been in, it had three rooms & could hold a dance party. He also lent us a double thick inflatable mattress, all of this was in preparation for the "ocho" as we've come to refer to Phish 8.

Zach made the drive down with a ton of camping crap, and once we made it to Indio the caravan was complete for our entrance into the show. I could probably write more but the pictures tell the story just fine. The shows were great and we had a blast seeing old friends. I was a Tibetan Monk for Halloween, otherwise known as "Fee, the Buddhist Prodigy" a character from one of their earliest songs.


To be continued...

Campo de Los Ochos Locos

Hippieshop Bus

Sunday Night

Starting Over, the Dharma Matterhorn Attempt

Planning a wedding is a lot of work. No, really, this shit doesn't just happen. I don't want Dorothy to worry about a thing, I want it all to just BE on the big day, and I hope to have all the i's dotted and t's crossed. Wish me luck ;)

We picked our location after looking at a lot of places, like Vegas, Sedona and Yosemite to name just a few. Once we ruled out the destination wedding idea we combed San Diego for the perfect place... there was only a couple, and if they weren't already booked they were expensive. In addition to the cost of renting that perfect venue, there was catering, linens, a DJ, liquor, Lots of extras that one has to worry about as well. I had a vision, my friends James & Tanya had gotten married at a mansion on a cliff just south of the border, I liked that idea, I was hoping to find something similar.

The details kept coming. Back in December I had a clue about what is needed to put this thing on, I saw what my sister went through for her wedding and Hollywood does a great job of freaking people out when it comes to putting the big day together. I was up for the challenge, I have thrown quite a few parties in my day and although this was a bit larger than anything I'd pulled off I wasn't afraid. In fact I looked at it as a way to save us money, since I'm only partially employed why wouldn't I? Its not like we can afford to pay someone else to make these decisions, and I'm too type A to trust our vision to somebody else.

So Dorothy had decided she liked a place called Marina Village here in San Diego. It was nice and the price was right, but I felt we could do better, I'd been to many weddings there over the years and wanted something a bit more outside of the box or exotic, it seemed appropriate after what we'd seen together over the years.

One afternoon I loaded her in the truck and we headed into Baja. We stopped at pretty much every beach-side community from Playas de Tijuana to Puerto Nuevo, including that spot my friends had been married at. Sadly that cliffside retreat was no longer available... I'm not sure why, maybe we partied a little to hard at their wedding and the owners decided to keep that gorgeous compound to themselves free from any more hippie invasions ;)

We finally decided that Las Rocas was the best. They had packages that included all of the main components, like the cake, linens, round-trip bus transport from the USA, servers, dinner & a DJ. I liked this idea since it knocked out all of the complications of having it south of the border, our wedding coordinator "Willy" would handle everything when it comes to food, liquor, transport and accommodations, and making sure those vendors are in place when we need them to be. We just needed to worry about everything else, and find 100 people that want to attend. (minimum number of guests required for a Saturday in the Summer)

We considered getting married on a Thursday, and doing it during the off-season, to keep costs down. But overall the savings was not that much, and I didn't want to walk away from this day regretting not spending that extra cash.

One thing life and the older generations have taught me, "take each day one at a time, and don't sweat the small stuff."

I've always respected what my elders have to say, and I've spoken to more than just a couple of 50 plussers that commend me for my travels, regardless of how much it cost me or whether I could afford it. According to them, "one should take advantage of every opportunity." A funny quote that reminds me of just how basic life can be, "never pass up a chance to pee, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart."
Silly yet wise words.
I've always wanted to be rich, but I'd rather come out of the other end of life knowing I took every opportunity, and enjoyed it.

So the planning began, we decided on a date, July 10th.
We chose our photographer, a friend of Dorothy's that specializes in making the happy couple look good.
She had her dress.
We chose our attendants and I started to outline what needed to happen to make this event one to remember.
Our friend Jackson agreed to be our minister... and a real stroke of luck, his girlfriend Trisch, a "retired" florist, was eager to make sure that detail was not something to stress over.

It was going well, we'd get together whenever we could both plop down in front of the computer and plan... researching everything from colors to wedding bands.
Overall details were made clear to us by a popular wedding website, theknot.com, their checklist is more than thorough, maybe too much so. But I needed that structure to keep me clear on things I would never have thought about, like the special pen for our guestbook, or remembering the attendant gifts.

We created a site to answer everyones questions, purchased jasonanddorothy.com, and our wedding pages were born. I've put a lot of time into making that site the one-stop-shop for anyone with questions, and it seems to have worked well so far.

So the "Summer of Dorothy" was over, and it's time to start figuring out how to make her mine after the last few months damage.

It seems that I might be rounding a corner here, so I'll just start blurting it out. Everything I thought would happen once she got back into her school & life routine happened, she missed what we had together and lost interest in getting to know someone as well as she already knew me. It was never about another guy, it was about my commitment to her, and my willingness to be there for her. She got her own place, living with a former co-worker (Paul) and immediately started inviting me into her world.

Of course I'm taking my time, totally invested in commuting to Reno training for the new career while sending resumes and researching new opportunities. Over Labor Day we had already made separate plans, I was going to Seattle with my Dad and she was going back to moe.down in upstate NY for a sponsored trip from that other guy... wtf.

Now she didn't put it like that, she said "a bunch of friends got together and bought my plane ticket, I have to go." I tried to convince myself that she has that winning personality that makes random dudes want to buy you shit without the chance of sex in their future... right. I guess I just hoped for the best, there wasn't anything I could do except make the best of my own plans.

The Lorili, where I slept

I had some fun enjoying Seattle with our family friend Joe, we were staying on his 65 foot yacht in Lake Union.  It was a get together my father had looked forward to and I jumped at the trip since I needed to clear my head from the recent events.

I entertained myself by trying to fix the electrical system on the tender. (dinghy) When I woke I'd go running around the lake, and then study html. Everyday the party "hosts" would join us and the partying would begin. 

Dinghy test run, I got pulled over (only given a warning)

That family has always been so good to me, and the weekend ended on a positive note once Dorothy reestablished contact with me with the clear statement that she had no interest in that guy, and would not be visiting him again. (Yay!)

A New Beginning

The beautiful part is, I'm in love. My sister had a huge part in keeping me from running away, she simply said "If you don't want to be single, than don't be." It didn't make much sense, but I kept hope, followed my heart, and now we're back on track. Avery was so inspiring to me during these times, its amazing how a child can help us see the good in life. I had never been so motivated to grow with someone as I was with her... and that feeling helped me find conclusions with my feelings for Dot. I want these people in my life forever.


I would look at my sister and wonder how she had become so self-less, it was impressive to see such a positive change in her since she had my niece and I was proud of the family she had created. I was also happy my Mom had made the move to San Diego bringing my family back together for the first time in so long, her words and experience are always from the heart, and her love for Avery helped me to make these decisions, with the support of the ones you love you can accomplish anything. So although my professional life isn't coming together as clearly as I'd wished, I felt like the universe was still with me.

She is all about planning for the future, and I'm ready for it. Our backup plan IF consistent employment doesn't come easily, have a baby and I'll be the stay at home parent. No problem, I never thought of myself as a normal father, and this idea, regardless of how difficult it is financially, is extremely appealing. I think deep down this might be the only way I could be happy raising a child, having not grown up in the same house as my father I'm hoping to experience the little things that make Dad's love being Dad's.

Now we're in mid-September, I'm all about training for the new web design career so I read the books my new boss had provided for me, and worked on random projects that he would toss my way. We were connected through the internet so when time allowed I could share my screen and he could talk me through whatever challenges I would encounter. I had purchased a new computer for this work and it was a PC, so Hat Trick welcomed the "other" perspective when it came to building things for the world wide web.

After a week home I packed up that machine and brought it back to Reno, it was time for the next level of training, and Zach had some home maintenance he would rather pay me to help him with than hire a painter. This time Dot was obviously missing me, but I had a plan to leave Reno to work on a farm in Mendocino County, so I'd budgeted to be away for over three weeks. 

My sister was also giving me grief over not being around for Avery's 2nd birthday so once we finished the "Fall refurbishing" of the Lakeridge Shores beast of a house my old friend calls home, I decided to fly from San Fran to San Diego for the weekend before heading into Nor Cal for harvest season employment.

I found a ticket on Virgin America for $49 round trip from SFO to SAN - thats cheaper than driving! So I contacted an old friend from KSWB, Don, and after the 4 hour drive from Reno stashed my truck at his house in the east bay for the weekend. After reacquainting myself with his wife and new boys he drove me to the airport, I made it home and helped my family put on a nice little party at a park on Mission Bay.

It was nice seeing Dorothy, and she was very appreciative for my efforts, we spent the days together till I had to board another plane back to the bay area. Don picked me up, (this guy is the man, and I miss working with him everyday) I was paired with my truck once again and made my way to the village of Ukiah for some time with friends Missy, her daughter Luna & the Matars. After a night there I made it to another friends and picked up some extra cash helping out around the property, but just 2 days in I received a call from Reno...

Overnight in a yert, Mendocino County

My friend was having a hard time, and he was hoping I could come back sooner than I had planned. I apologized to my bro in Mendo and thanked him for the work even if only for a few days. Life up there is so simple, the atmosphere is free from anxiety and every day ends with us watching the sunset. I was sad to leave but after all of the support Zach had given me over the Summer there was no way I could say no.

On my way home my friend Lisa, who had just gotten an apartment in Ukiah, was having a dinner party with several OBcians AND the other old friends I've already mentioned. It was a nice gathering, after a few drinks I ended up spending the night and getting up early the next morning to drive the 250 miles back to Washoe County.

Cleo in Reno

This blog is not about anyone but me. I may mention the people in my life, but I hope to not pass any judgement since this isn't the point. The point is to record my life, not anyone else's. With that being said, Zach was low and after stabilizing the company we took off for the woods or "church" as we've come to refer to it.

I've read most of Jack Kerouac's books, one book, the Dharma Bums, mentions a mountain that has always stuck in my head as a place I'd like to see... the Matterhorn. It was in the Sawtooth Range just north of Yosemite, and we were on our way. Just about 3 hours south on the 395, and then west from Bridgeport one parks near Twin Lakes Campground to access that wilderness. We packed our bags, stocked with minimal food and made our way up the valley towards this famous peak.

Twin Lakes

This is what we needed, some good clean fun in the woods to take our minds off the realities that were weighing us down. We took a ton of pics along the way and enjoyed the sunshine reflecting off the many cascades flowing over the Sierra granite. Eventually we started looking for a place to sleep, we hadn't brought a tent thinking the weather would hold and sleeping under the stars could be just fine.

But the clouds were moving in, and the wind was blowing at a constant rate, we sensed a storm was brewing. Our solution was to backtrack to some rocks we had passed and search for some sort of shelter amongst. After some remodeling and fancy tarp installation we had a nice little cave sheltered from whatever might threaten our peace. Although the night was windy, our sleeping bags were comfy and I slept pretty good till the morning... 

In the Cave

We woke up to a few inches of snow outside of out rocky dwelling, and quickly broke camp to prevent out gear from getting wet. We'd done pretty good through the night, our "commando" style was nostalgic of overnights in Pennsylvania before we could drive, but we weren't prepared for inclement weather. We made our way out of the Toiyabe National Forest and back to the truck, after a few more hours we were having sushi at the Peppermill celebrating a good hike that whet our whistles for a more extreme adventure sometime in the near future.

CLICK HERE for the Full Picasa Album

I spent a few more days in Reno, Zach held a few "design" classes and we made some progress towards my education while tying up some loose ends around the house. I hadn't been "home" other than to visit in three weeks, it was time to make my way back to San Diego and acclimate to the new lifestyle. There was a new roommate living in my house, and I was back to "sleeping over" when I wanted to spend the night with my girlfriend.

It was gonna be weird, but I was ready, at least I had a little promise... October is my favorite month in San Diego and after nine hours on the 395 I had made it back to my humble abode. I'm just about halfway through the "catching up" phase of this blog, and it seems like I've already gotten through most of the negative shit, lets hope the second half comes as easy as the first!

Values, Compassion & A West Coast Road Trip

The people closest to me have made the statement, usually when I'm going through a breakup, that I thrive on drama. Like I actually seek it out and use it as daily motivation. The funny part, I don't see it. Or at least I don't think I'm looking for it, it just seems to appear. Does that mean I'm creating it?

I like calm, mellow, understanding, positive, happy, serious, intense, exciting, exotic, forbidden, serendipity, surreal...

I try to help the confused, I try to advise the sad, and I definitely let someone know if they're a burden, or annoying.

Maybe that's it, I need to start keeping my mouth shut, mama always said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. But allowing those actions in my presence just reinforces that they're OK, when clearly, at least in my mind, they're not. I can't accept that keeping my mouth shut is the only option, my opinions come out because that's who I am. So I guess to know me, or to have an opinion about me, means that you either love me or hate me. You either get me and accept me, or you don't.

The Buddha tells us to practice Compassion when looking for answers to life’s difficulties, try to understand their suffering, and until one does remember patience.

I’m not a fan of publicly airing dirty laundry, yet I fell into it as my response to some recent family drama. (Patience test = FAIL)

After some time I realized the folly of my ways, it took some criticism from someone that's known me a long time but that still wasn’t enough. A close friend has been going through a breakup and Facebook became the one not interested in being singles conduit for support... I don’t agree. (Compassion test = FAIL)

So to practice compassion I dug up some patience and placed myself in their shoes. I didn’t get it, but at the same time who am I to judge? I just did the same thing, not quite on such a public forum but in public none the less. I’ve since rescinded my opinions & accusations on my blog, (don’t bother looking) - keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself.
 
I’ve discovered once again that just writing, regardless of who reads it, is therapy enough. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but this time it was different, I had been ordered to stay away and not contact those I was upset with so the blog seemed like my only voice when nobody wanted to listen. I think they heard me, but I could have handled it with a bit more grace. Of course I still have everything I wrote, but its for me to decide who reads and not for just anyone who happens to end up navigating to “Living the Dream.”

It took me seeing someone else making that mistake to understand, so I guess I am thankful for the public announcements of hatred and disappointment that I was forced to read on my news feed. I am bothered since their actions have since turned me off to Facebook, I’m hoping to find the energy to tolerate it once again but for now I’m on a break.

You lose some, you win some :)

In just over a month I’ll be on a ferry cruising to the Grecian isle of Santorini, enjoying our honeymoon and the fruits of our planning over the past six months. We're meeting another honeymooning couple, Nora & Roy. I'm looking forward to seeing familiar faces while abroad, Dorothy & Nora went to the University of Arizona together in Tucson. After that we’re taking another ferry to the isle of Crete, enjoying an all-inclusive resort and the privileges only honeymooning couples can. (Room service like everyday, massages, long walks on the beach, nakedness, lots of nakedness... )


Than our trip still has seven days left and we haven’t delegated anything to fill that time, I think we’ll find another island, perhaps with some climbing, or maybe vineyards… That trip will wrap up in Athens after over three weeks abroad, and then back to San Diego. Once back we’ll settle into our life as Mr & Mrs. Guinter, it’s time to continue looking for a full time gig, and planning. The future has endless possibilities, and our OB family has always welcomed us with open arms. This is still a great place to live, and after putting together a wedding of this many friends it has become clear to us that we are home, for now.

OK so I'm not sure how I slipped into future-casting, must be the influence of LOST on my brain. In Chapter Two I promised the conclusion of the "Summer of Dorothy," and how I came out of that summer still seeing a positive future.

Lonely is the Absence of Something you Desire.

I was down, you know when you don't get off the couch except to hit the bathroom things are bummin... I was mixing up days and just watching the stupid idiot box waiting for time to pass, eating didn't matter, and drinking was just a sleep aid. I had found out she was in Maine with the other guy, and her facebook status, after telling me there was still hope, no longer stated "In a relationship." I was crushed, but at least it was more closure. She might have handled it like a big pansy but it was letting me know what I needed to get over it.

On a Sidenote: Breakups should probably be handled digitally from now on, the face-to-face shit is awkward, and hard to escape from. It's really only the one getting broken up withs that requires in person discussion, because they still have hope. I say squash the hope, when the individual even thinks for a second its over, sever all ties and move on, life is short.

Welcome Jono!
Visiting from Korea, I had seen him just six months prior on his turf and after a few beers at the Electric Waste Band he convinced me to jump in a car with Bree, his bro-in-law Pat & himself for a road trip to Phish at Shoreline. He had come back to America for the 2-day Gorge run but figured he had some time to kill why not fill it with more Phish, and perhaps some much needed "friend therapy" for me.

We left late the next night, along the way we crashed in Santa Cruz for a night with the Floor’s, and the next day we raged a band I hadn’t seen since Las Vegas in 2004, like it was 2004! Good friends, good times, I was quickly on the road to recovery… but one show wasn’t enough.

Serendipity smiled on me around 4am when Rain met up with us, and introduced me to his new girl Sommer, who I sensed may want to continue the road trip to the Gorge, Washington, a venue I’ve always wanted to see, but never had the time for. NOW was the time. Sure I shoulda probably been working on finding employment, but I was just a few weeks out from a breakup and I was determined to make this summer one to remember.


The three of us road-tripped it up Interstate 5 in her two-door RAV4, spent a night with Rain’s cousin in Portland, and eventually pulled onto the largest view I’ve ever witnessed for a concert. The Gorge was awesome, perched on the inside of a deep corner canyon extending into the Columbia River, and worth every moment of difficulty getting there. The weather was perfect, a large OB contingent had made the trek (including my Cousin Summer) and we proceeded to enjoy the two-day festival in Central Washington that Phish was kind enough to sponsor.
Woo Hoo! More new & old friends helping me remember where I came from, and plenty of distractions to help me forget my troubles. I’ll spare you the details, most of which are pretty fuzzy anyway :) 


I stayed up late, spent the afternoons in the river and saw music that was the only cure for what was ailing me. Big thanks to Rain and Sommer allowing me to invade their space, and showing me a time to remember. Even bigger thanks for making that HUGE drive back to San Diego, the west coast is Long, took almost three days, and when I got back I had about a day to prepare for her return

Deep down I hoped to get her back, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, there was no doubt. But I needed to put my life back together, I needed to find promise again, so I let her know how I felt but started looking for whats next. This is where Zach comes back in, he was one of my oldest friends, from Montoursville, and he had a possible solution if I could pick it up.

Zach had built a very successful web design business in Reno, and offered me the opportunity to mentor under him learning design and writing code. He hoped it could blossom into Project Manager, since he was tired of the day to day demands of client relations, but we started with a week long session at the end of August while Dorothy packed and moved her stuff. I had stayed in San Diego a week, a very long week, and escaped to Reno when I realized she was going to move and and I couldn't convince her otherwise.

So Washoe County is good, Zach had some friends that showed me around while he took care of some meetings. For the first few days we played, at one point I ended up standing underneathe the Squaw Valley Tram's upper counterweight enjoying a higher perspective. Overall I really like the biggest little city in the world and will not have any problems hanging here while educating myself on this new career and spending quality time with my old buddy. The 2nd half of the week was all about Hat Trick, I got setup with the necessary logins, started to learn the ropes, and just when I'm almost completely distracted from the emotional rollercoaster I'd riddin all summer, she wants to give it another shot.

Yes, she had returned back to her life "routine" and it seems someone was missing. Summer was over, it ended once again like it always does, and my 29 year old lover was figuring out that the solitary path she had chosen was not as fun as she thought.

To be continued...