Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tying the Knot, Baja for Beginners

Its Friday morning, time to pack the trucks and drive to Las Rocas.
Mexico or Bust

I had prepared for this, literally spent the past six months coordinating the next two days of my life, every detail was culminating onto this morning. Today I would need to transport every item necessary for our “event” across the border leading a caravan of seven vehicles containing a variety of ages, passports & booze.

Since I was the conduit holding everything together I started to delegate. I had ordered my groomsman to arrive earlier than the noon departure goal, we had more stuff than Dot & I’s vehicles could carry and I need to overflow into theirs. Easy enough, I also needed the entire group, the one’s kind enough to join us for more than one night that needed a ride, in one place. Most of them had flown in so part of my job was to figure out, of the 15 or so, who would go in what car. The bus would transport them back if need be, nobody had rented a car since they are usually not permitted to cross the border.

The vehicles got packed, I passed out directions & emergency contact numbers for anyone that might lose the caravan and we were on the road. I had warned all the drivers, “Mexico randomly stops cars at the border, don’t freak out, they’ll probably wanna see your passport.” I verified that everyone had gotten in line to cross and I proceeded through, immediately a red light flashes the word “Alto,” an official looking woman was indicating that I should pull aside into their secondary inspection area.

Sweet, I get it, I’m in an open-bed pickup truck packed with boxes & bags. After explaining where I was going they mustered up some English and asked “Where’s the alcohol?” Ah yes, the bribe. I in fact had 24 bottles of champagne under a huge duffel in the back, but I opened various boxes and coolers explaining that all the cerveza is headed east in a blue Chevy pickup, if they hurry up they can catch it! ;) Right, our parties beer is safely hidden in various vehicles 20 minutes south of us - I feel confident that we’re good so once my Canadian-Polish passengers proved their citizenship I pressed our retainers for a reason, and asked if I should phone my lawyer. (just to speed things along, they were either gonna keep me on the day before my wedding, or they were letting me go.) Thankfully they chose the latter, usually Mexican authorities are just looking for the easy bribe from the freaked out tourist, I was starting to get difficult using the few big words they don’t want to hear. Once I invited them to the big event they softened up and congratulated me on my big day and let us pass.
Pancho Villa Penthouse Patio

About 30 minutes later we pulled into Las Rocas, found Willy the wedding coordinator and settled into our weekend, starting with a Margarita in the Pancho Villa Penthouse. Our home for the weekend was complete with 2 rooms on 2 floors, balconies, cathedral ceilings & a hot tub, so we took some time to soak in the moment before getting back to work. My boys had checked the Rehearsal Dinner location and everything was set, it seemed all of the key players had arrived so once we gathered them together we found our way down to the ceremony location for some rehearsing.
Flower Girl & Ring Bearer







This detail almost got overlooked, but our minister had everything under control. The hardest job was showing the attendants, a 2 & 3 year old, what they’re supposed to do when cued to do it... the following day. I was pretty lit up by this point, I remember laughing a lot and dipping my fiancee pretty deep when told to kiss the bride...

I’m getting shaken, “Dude, get up, you can’t sleep in a cave the night before you get married.” He proceeded to talk to himself at this point, “I can’t believe I found him, what the hell’s he thinking passing out down here like this, all you can hear is the ocean and there’s no light. Fuck man, get up!” He was talking to me again, I slowly realized I was under the cliff-side cantina, one of Las Rocas outdoor restaurants. There was a hidden stairway that lead you to this grotto and apparently I had found it somewhere between 1 & 3 am. The rehearsal dinner had been a success, so much so that most of what I’m about to say I’ve been reminded of, not many actual memories exist from what I’ve been complimented as “a fantastic lobster dinner at the most authentic & beautiful location.”

Puerto Nuevo
It was nice, I had chosen it since so many people were coming here for their first time, and it’s just what you do. Ortega’s must have the nicest ocean views anywhere I’ve seen in Northern Baja, I love cliffs. The room I had chosen was over the water, so in tune with mother nature that when the waves crashed extra hard the table would actually shudder for a moment, someday this place will fall into the sea. Thankfully it wasn’t July 9th - we had booked a bus to shuttle our group back and forth, it was a small price to pay and made every one's experience more comfortable.
Thanking the Parents

Puerto Nuevo style lobster is fried and split served with tortillas & butter, plus the normal Mexican fix-ins including tortilla soup, a dish many east coasters enjoyed immensely. Dottie & I were on the last bus and made our appearance as everyone was enjoying their appetizers, we sat near the middle and once everyone was fed made a few toasts thanking our bridesmaids & groomsmen for their help along the way, and support tomorrow when it counts.

I suppose I did some shots, probably smoked a few cigarettes and attempted to mingle with so many people, I did my best to thank everyone I could for coming but in the end my memory fails me. I kept it together my wedding night but the rehearsal dinner got out of control, I knew the bar would only take cash for our excessively large bill but in my haze I had left the envelope back at the hotel... enter the Best man once again, he took our driver back shocking him with the order “Drive fast & take chances Amigo!” The fiesta rocked for another hour but eventually it was time to go, we paid the bill & our over-sized limo eventually took us back to Las Rocas where karaoke was in full swing. Everyone had a turn, amazing how music can bring so many generations together... “Hey Jude” will never be the same for any of us ever again :-)

Eventually I was “escorted” away from my suite, I had become a “jolly” nuisance and the solution was to put me to bed, away from my wife-to-be. We wouldn’t see each other again till the ceremony about 18 hours later, and my best man had an extra bed. I guess the question is, how did I end up in the cave?

The next day I woke up with an awesome hangover, I had gotten some OK rest once in an actual bed & it was now my job to “inspire” the groomsman for our next big move, driving back to the border so he could walk across & take the trolley an hour north to Old Town. At 2pm some of the guests, mainly San Diego locals, would be meeting our bus for their ride to Las Rocas, I was worried some would lag or run into an incident so my solution was to get one of my friends on that bus with a list so he could make sure everyone had made it.  


Determined Passenger
Once everyone was woken up we took the truck to TJ where I promptly got lost due to recent road “improvements” - needless to say we were now running late, so once we made it to the border he now had to run through and take a cab since he’d missed the trolley. Yes, quite a bit of trouble, originally I thought the bus would originate from Las Rocas making this task easy - nope, I was glad he had done it though, a few guests had an emergency come up and he was able to call letting us know of a few no-shows making our morning mission worth while.
Maid of Honor


We got back to the venue & I tied up a few loose ends, gave the seating chart to Willy, verified the flowers were good to go & checked out the lawn, things were definitely taking shape, the chairs were getting set up! I could relax, our florist/minister team coupled with the bridesmaids & groomsmen were getting everything done, it was time for a soak in a hot tub before donning our suits for the pre-ceremony pics.



Me & Minister
I was starting to get nervous, really nervous. My best man & I were cleaning up in his room and somehow I cut my hand... no idea how, but it was bleeding pretty bad. My heart was working a little harder than normal and here was my early warning sign indicating I needed to relax. Right. I wrapped a towel around it, sat down and focused on my breathing. The distraction of planning had taken my mind away from the emotion that was now kicking in. I had never felt this way, or at least not to this extent, I felt sick and thirsty but didn’t want to drink - my eyes felt larger than normal and I kept rubbing my neck... so this is the “butterflies.” 

As someone who has stared death in the face many times I know this feeling, kinda, when mountain climbing your adrenaline kicks in distracting your belly - but this was different, all I could do was wait, I wasn’t sure what challenges marriage would hold later in life and my brain was confused. Its a much different feeling when the nervousness has to do with time rather than distance or difficulty, usually we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, this time the tunnel is just light.

I peeked my head out, there were a lot of friends out there recently arrived from the bus. OK, I’ll just hide in this room a little longer. 
Wow, nervous sucks, its funny to recognize an emotion so vividly... I had made a point to keep a clear head thus far and it wasn’t really paying off, I finally had some champagne.

I didn’t know what to do with myself so I reviewed my vows. My minister came in to go over the ceremony one more time, familiarity was comforting, I was feeling better. The florist appeared and pinned a boutonniere to my lapel.  


My champagne & I made our way outside, everyone was excited and getting primed for the event - I was still nervous but saw a few of my close friends & their wives remembering when those guys went through the same thing - I hugged everyone hello welcoming & thanking them for making the trek south of the border. My best man handed me what I thought was more champagne so I dumped it in my glass, it was tequila, I didn’t care and took the shot anyway figuring throwing up would probably do me good. It didn’t. 
Niece & I

It was time for our pre-ceremony pics so my father, the groomsmen & I made our way out front to pose for our photographers. This was fine, part of Donia’s plan from the beginning that I just agree to, who really cares about the dudes without the girl? We obliged and about 45 minutes later after concluding with some more “realistic” pics with my family, we found our way to the cliffs where the ceremony was about to take place. I instructed a groomsman to phase out the iPod and the duo from OB began playing their acoustic guitars.

Accoustic Accompaniment 

Details are amazing, there were so many little things I was noticing... the groomsmen were handing the guests bubbles as they ushered them to their seats. I had been given those bubbles by a recently wed coworker a few weeks prior, the church where she got married didn’t allow them so she gifted us her leftovers; There was an archway covered in flowers, the florist had done an amazing job, those same flowers would be transported during the cocktail hour to the reception and become the table decor. It was exactly like we’d planned, with a few fortunate surprises... the ceremony had its own bar and they had already opened it to our guests, arriba!

I was at the “alter” - everyone sat down and a gentle version of “I Know You Rider” began playing while the rest of our party made their way down the aisle. The flower girl sprinted past everyone and shook her basket over her head releasing the rose petals upon her hair & dress, good enough. The ring bearer followed suit but luckily we intercepted him before the pillow was tossed over the cliff ;) - I turned around and noticed her in a white dress behind the crowd, the wedding march began, here we go:


If OB is anything, taking up about 50% of the crowd, they are supportive. The cameras were flashing as she approached me on her fathers arm and the occasional cheer would break out whenever we made eye contact with anyone. We had invited these people as witnesses to this event signifying our lifelong commitment to each other, everyone we loved was here and as her father departed leaving us standing with the minister in front of everyone, the sun finally broke through the clouds that had been hanging around since April.

Father & Daughter
Perfect, the minister recognized natures gift and gave his sermon - a speech I know but can’t recall from the ceremony, all I could see were her eyes, she was so beautiful, her eyes seemed different somehow, stronger & softer, serious & curious, she was happy and relieved that we were finally here, it was time for her vows.


I have no words to describe how eloquent my sometimes goofy wife came across, her statements felt like poetry every word touching a different part of my being - she brought several tears to my eyes as she stirred the crowd with her devotion - I was amazed & fascinated by her words as she concluded, it was now my turn, I grabbed the mic and did my best to keep it together for my own part in this public declaration.

My Vows
It went OK, I got a laugh or two at the bacon part but kept staring at my roommate, she had heard every word, we were both so ready for this. The minister continued and eventually asked for the rings, I hadn’t seen mine since we picked them out - simple white gold, the inscription was added after and neither of us knew what our ring would say, when she gave it to me I saw the words “Love You Always” with a ♥ - perfect, I had inscribed “Kocham Moja Donia”, “I Love My Donia” in Polish in her band.

We placed them on each others fingers and after a few more minutes kissed, the crowd erupted and the smiles were huge as we walked towards the back ready to express our gratitude for everyone coming.

Courtesy L.Rose
Cue the eight piece Mariachi band, they began their set a few steps away from the ceremony site around the appetizers, we greeted everyone we were seeing for the first time and thanked everybody before we were encouraged back to the cliffs for what I consider the important pictures. By the time these were over the band was finished and it was time to make our way towards the reception hall.

The woman who turned out to be our star, the florist, appeared once again with a few words that released some anxiety I had been feeling: the tables were setup, centerpieces in place, special linens were are good, the shot glasses (our gift to the guests) had been dispersed, the guest book is out with pens, and those special engraved cake utensils that had been shipped to us from relatives that couldn’t make it, were next to the cake, which had turned out perfectly. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, she indicated everyone was settling in and finding their seats, it was time for our entrance.
Reception

We lined up to be announced by the Emcee (minister) and two by two made our way into the hall to the head table, Bill Withers “Use Me” came on and a server appeared to fill our glasses with champagne. Whoa! Look at that, “another gift” my wife whispered, we had received engraved crystal champagne flutes, perhaps the most elegant thing I’ve ever drank out of. After a few minutes the Emcee announced some more family to present us with the Polish customs. 
Polish Customs

First came a test of trust: The brides family presents the bread & salt with a choice, this food or the groom. The bride hopefully chooses the groom since he will be providing those items throughout the marriage; Second comes another choice, two shot glasses are filled, one with water & one with vodka. The glasses are presented to the newlyweds and whoever gets the vodka shot will end up wearing the pants in the family. 
I drank the water, hopefully bottled water.

We proceeded to eat between the ever present dings people were creating with utensils on their glasses indicating my bride & I were supposed to kiss, I liked this part. At some point the wedding coordinator pulled me aside, he had some bad news... they had forgotten the salad and he hoped we would be cool with Tortilla soup as a replacement. Hehe, really Willy? That's the bad news? After the groups enthusiasm last night I was like “no problem man” - he actually credited us that portion of the bill when we settled up at the end of the weekend. The rest of our menu worked out just fine, ceviche, filet mignon, cilantro shrimp & a baked potato, I think I had a bite of each, the open bar was catching up with all of us and food wasn’t really a priority. 


The Maid of Honor had the mic, the crowd quieted down and after a few kind words about Dot she recited the poem “What Is Love”, she had found it inspirational and relative to what Dorothy & I had... I was proud of her, she had been dreading that moment and she approached it in a unique way classin’ up our party with some art. Next up was the Best Man, none of us had any idea what this guy had in store - I had been a selfish groom over the past few weeks asking for his eyes to proofread the various compositions I’d concocted for public delivery, never once asking how his were going. He has never been the biggest public speaker, but any tension was most likely eased when he looked at the crowd and knew so many, our friendship goes back to my early days in Cali. I’m guessing he spoke for about 20 minutes or so, an awesome speech drawing on old jokes, our travels & his friendship with Dorothy - it was great and I’m sorry, my words will never do it justice, this one you had to be there for.

1st Dance
I do my speech basically thanking everybody, we had some more dinner, and then my new father-in-law said some nice things into the microphone... the family was loosening up, it was time for our first dance. Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are” came on and we spun around in the middle of everybody. From the corner of my eye as we danced I noticed a few of the girls looking on, smiling, shedding the ocasional tear. It felt good and bad showing our passion in front of so many people, c’est la vie, weddings breed emotion.
Emotional

Next came the Father/Daughter dance, "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" was Dorota’s choice and Papa Kowalski was surprised, they had enjoyed that track when she was very little. The next song was for the bride & maid of honor, “their” song was "In Your Eyes", and as they grooved I danced with my new Mother-in-law. The rest of the wedding joined the bride & I while we switched between parents for a few more songs.

Hula Papa
Everyone was socializing from what I could see, so I made my way to the patio for some fresh air and ran into my Father - he shook my hand again while we shared a cigar, the night had been a success, there were still a few customs to observe but overall the details had come together and I was content.

My minister/Emcee bro was still clocked in and we heard the announcement that it was time to cut the cake. Donia & I made our way back up front and she picked up the knife, I placed my hands over hers and guided us through the bottom layer twice. We put down the knife & I grabbed a little cake feigning the “cake in the face” tradition. I couldn’t do it, she was too perfect, as I faced the crowd she never hesitated while stuffing my face with a piece of our gray icynged four-tiered pastry. Apparently the gloves were off so we both proceeded to entertain the crowd by making a mess of each other with frosting. After we took a short break to freshen up and it was back to the party.

Next came the bouquet toss, a bridesmaid caught the throw proving this tradition’s not just luck, we were privy to some inside info concerning her matrimonial future which would be changing the following day ;) They played “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and danced while the men congregated ready for the garter toss. My wife sat down, I started kissing her ankle and worked my way up her leg at an easy pace eventually pulling the garter off with my teeth. My first throw landed too short so I scooped it back up and tossed it to the crowd where it was caught by an eleven year old, hopefully he passed it to someone that understood what it meant.

The funk was switched back on, the lights switched off and the party started rockin’ - there was a light setup staging the disco atmosphere that allowed my wife & I to sneak back to the penthouse, she had a gift she wanted to give. Mrs. Guinter’s present to me, on our wedding night, was a photo album of herself in various outfits & locations - it was awesome, and I couldn’t have imagined anything more exciting or creative, this woman really knew me and after expressing my gratitude we made our way back to the hall for a little more dancing and cake.

The midnight hour was approaching and people had started to clear out. We did our best to gather up the valuables, make sure everyone that could had signed the guest book, and we made our way to the nearest room for some more music and another drink. It was apparent that my wife was done, so we made our way back to the room and I put my lovely Donia to bed.

I know what you’re thinking, and we’d already done that. She was completely finished so there wasn’t really a chance. I’m still wide awake though, and couldn’t really fathom hanging out by myself in the room regardless of what tradition might dictate. I was in Mexico with my closest friends and family, some new family, I wanted to keep partying. In fact I didn’t really want this night to stop, so back to the rooms I went finding drinks, laughter and singing wherever I went. It turned into one hell of a night, someones genitalia ended up leaving smudge marks on the patio windows glass and another couple conceived their 3rd child... yeah, that kind of night. 

I looked to the horizon and saw the light coming, it was time to join my bride in bed.

When morning came we saw our bus off along with many guests, and I camped out at the pool for most of the afternoon. That couple I mentioned got engaged and about 15 of us had a nice celebration dinner at the cliff-side Cantina. More drinks and more fun but this time I was done, the weekend coupled with the sunburn I’d acquired that afternoon knocked me out early.

The next day we settled our bill, packed the vehicles and made our way back to America. It was Monday, time to handle everything and prepare for our honeymoon departure on Wednesday.

Standby for the concluding chapters of Living the Dream.