Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Valentines, Ideas & some High Desert Furloughs

I actually outlined the different sections of this blog once I got going. It became boring writing everything in order, so I browsed my calendar and found the high points, while mixing in various wedding topics. I wanted to remember the (bigger) little details since it all seemed so foreign when I got into this, and perhaps help another bachelor convert (pronounced Kahn-vert) through his wedding day.

Maybe it's an original spin, maybe its boring, maybe its hard to follow, but firstly... it makes me feel better to get this out, I actually see a difference in my social interaction, I'm calmer and generally more fun to be around. And lastly, to record it fuckers! Emotions are running so high right now, I've never seen so much drama, it IS expected and I'm ready for it... now. (I think)

The Private Booth Chandelier

This is the seventh part of the "catching up" series, I had planned on having this section completed by the wedding but after recent events I'm not sure if that can happen. Regardless I'll make it all current once I return including the addition of the actual wedding, and our honeymoon in Greece.

So I'm going to continue the rest in chronological order. Rather than start with a wedding story and end with the continuation of my "diary," I'll be writing everything in order of recollection. Thanks for reading.



Meghan, Dirty 30 & Bree

Every year Dorothy has a birthday on February 14th, this year was a little more special since she was turning thirty on Valentines day and her BFF Meghan was visiting for the occasion. I layed out the weekend so my love wouldn't have to worry about it, the first stop was Harney Sushi, the private booth in the back was full and we had ourselves a fine fresh meal. Afterward we made it over to Bree's to meet Bridget & Dave (just in from Phoenix) for some late night cocktails.

Las Rocas

The next day we woke up early, our plan was to head back down to Las Rocas for another look and maybe have a margarita or two. We showed the property off to Meghan after a pleasant tour of Tijuana, and made it back to the states in time for the birthday girl to arrange that evenings events... we were going to our friends bar, Rosie O'Gradys! That night was filled with friends & fun times, the next day we had a BBQ and the VDay/BDay 3 day weekend came to an end.


Every year we've done something special  and exciting, I've set the bar pretty high for myself and had a good time doing it - but when its over I need some me time, this year Zach & I headed out to San Diego's East County to find some falls I'd been looking for. The 

"Three Sisters" are in the mountains NorthWest of Cuyamaca Peak. 
The Three Sisters

After a few dead-ends we found a path that offered a nice vantage to figure out our bearings. Less than a mile in, rather than continuing up the trail to the ridges summit we noticed quite a bit of water flowing across the valley, and some hikers confirmed that continuing downward would prove to be the best experience. We followed what senior citizens would refer to as a very steep and treacherous route towards the valley floor.


The trail was shady, but not beyond our ability, a little further down our vision became more clear and the three different cascades were obvious. They were awesome, and a bit of boulder hopping revealed some very easy to access creeks  swollen from the state parks winter runoff. The waterfalls were  running extremely fast, and we were careful not to slip on the polished granite. Once we made it to the top we could see back across the valley towards our starting point, going back that way did not look appetizing so we hoped to discover an alternate route.


We continued up the creek, towards a spot we later learned is called the "Devil's Punchbowl" - we actually cut across the creek due to the heavy brush and hiked up the rocky hillside peeking into the "bowl" rather than going through it. We made it to the top and got our best view of the day, the valley opened towards the ocean and we could see the great blue yonder on the horizon, I felt very relaxed. 












I'm sometimes amazed at how therapeutic sweating can be, I felt purified and energized regardless of the fact that we weren't exactly sure where we were. We knew the general direction of my truck but she still hadn't come into sight, and we hoped that ridge would be the last one between us and our transportation. We continued on and eventually found our way to the next hilltop, which had a great view of my Tacoma on the other side of a valley :) 


My Truck, WAY out there parked on the corner
So down and up we went, ending on the road, and after a short drive we made it the the Rong Branch Inn in Julian for a turkey dinner.


CLICK HERE for the Full Picasa Album

So life goes on, I keep working for Hat Trick & NBC while planning the wedding and studying html.


Have I mentioned that my sisters pregnant? Yep, niece number two is on the way - this probably didn't help us get along any better - this pregnancy seemed riddled with complications and Avery was having her own difficulties. Around now the 2 1/2 year old got admitted into the hospital, she was running a high fever and was not eating.. I could tell that this was the last thing my sister wanted to deal with. She is completely consumed by her world right now, and she's dedicated to making everything OK for her family. I understood, and was happy when my godDaughter was released the next day.




I had made a plan to meet some friends in JTree over my birthday, Jimmy (who you may remember from the Rainier blog) was taking 

a course in the park so Andy & I decided to meet up with him for some not-so-educational support... I was looking forward to climbing for the first time in a very long time! Pat & I made the drive and spent Friday on the rocks. 
Andrew, Me, Jimmy & Pat







That evening Dottie & Pat's girl Lisa graced us with their presence and we had snuggle buddies for the night...



the next day we climbed and hiked. Eventually a few more friends showed up and we drank our Saturday night away at Ryan Campground - good times and stellar weather - I couldn't have asked for a more perfect annual celebration. Birthdays have always ideally been spent away from home, in nature, with my closest friends. More often than not a ski trip might be in order, but I've opted to keep mixing it up over the years.

Some random things to note


I took the CBEST (California Basic Educational Skills Test) - one of my many brilliant ideas, essentially anyone who has a Bachelors Degree can pass this test to become certified to substitute teach in the various San Diego area school districts. I didn't receive approval till almost summer so I'll be ready when I return to attack this hopefully consistent temporary weekday employment. The money is OK and might inspire me to take my interest in teaching to the next level, that is whatever level seems to offer the most lucrative & long-term possibilities.


I also took the test to become a census worker. It was a civil service exam that I actually studied for, when the test concluded the moderator complimented me for only missing 2. I would have sworn I was a shoe-in for some type of position. I guess they had enough by the time my grades made it into the system, I followed up a few times but they never seemed to be looking for more help. I spent a good 5 hours setting up, studying and taking that exam, it pissed me off when I didn't get a call, I figured it was a perfect fit since I couldn't accept anything permanent due to my summer travel plans.  Fuck the census, I was actually looking forward to being part of something that huge, now I've just learned once again that the government is not to be relied upon, just appreciated.


Yes I'm anal-retentive, obsessively compulsive and overly thorough. Yes, I know! Like I've said already you either love me or hate me. To know me is to understand, accept and sometimes appreciate these (most of the time) annoying traits. 


Willy the Wedding Coordinator did not know me, but I'll bet he does now ;) I would wait about a month between my interrogative emails, saving up my questions till I got a reply from my previously listed inquiries. I spoke as clearly as I could muster since his first language was Spanish, and I'm pleased with the results. He confessed to my fiancée when she visited him in May that I was of the most involved grooms he'd ever dealt with, and that actually made me happy. I knew Las Rocas knows how to put on a wedding, but add in her vision and my attention to detail and we should be good to go.


I've been to a few weddings in my life, and one thing I always thought would be a good idea was passing out shot glasses as the wedding favors. Once again my old friend Zach had the answer, we could design a logo and have it applied to the shooter, he does this every year on pint glasses when he goes home to Antes Creek for PA's Opening Day of Fishing Season. After some deliberation and re-designs we sent our idea along with the preferred colors to discountmugs.com for production. The investment wasn't outrageous, and I'm able to keep a bunch so overall I'm happy with this idea. She gets  her expensive pictures, and we get to give fun gifts to our guests.


More time passes, more planning happens, things are falling in place and overall the only thing I'm disappointed about is the lack of response I've been receiving from the job front. Yes I'm working for Hat Trick and NBC, along with planning our summer matrimony, but for my free time I'd traded studying HTML for sending resumes and filling out online employment forms. It was miserable and monotonous, I had it dialed in to about 30 minutes for one job posting. Every form required you read every inch to verify you were filling in the blanks properly, yet they all asked the same questions. 


My eyes hurt from reading the monitor, I now look at the computer as work, staring at the screen quenches my organizational needs but I appreciate every moment my eyes aren't staring at a LCD of some sort. I do this because I really want to find something more permanent, a friend had recently broken his jaw and opened my eyes to how delicate we are, and how insecure I feel doing anything "dangerous" while not carrying a personal health insurance policy.




Towards mid-May Dorothy & I decided we needed to get away, there was an event outside of the town of Joshua Tree that I had been considering, and since she had that Friday off we loaded the truck and made the drive. The Joshua Tree Lakes Campground holds two music festivals every year, this one incorporated the up and coming electronic styles I've been listening to and the stages did not disappoint. Dottie & I enjoyed some late nights with friends in the clean crisp Mojave desert air, it was the perfect remedy for our work strained bodies.

Courtesy L. Rose

I'm gonna conclude this for now and pick up Chapter 8 with June and my Bachelor Party in Vegas... standby friends, we're just over a month away from the wedding! We started with Breaking Up and will end just before we head to Las Rocas. Its not much further now, a little more and I'll be writing about our adventures in Greece!


Growing Up, Movin' Out & the Holidays

I was actually trying to take a break from writing, I cranked so much out in five days that I felt I should "regroup" my thoughts a bit, research my history and try to remember how October through now had gone. My memory is easily jogged by my calendar and most of the info is pretty basic, but one can’t predict inspiration... so I guess its go time.

I'd rather regret the things I've done than things I haven't done.

I longed for a deeper involvement with the outside world, so I left home after high school in search of bigger things, having that craving and the lack of diversity in Lycoming County as my motivation. I ended up in Vermont, my first stop was farther from civilization but closer to nature & music - two of my passions. They were rash reasons for departing my home, maybe even immature, but I was testing my boundaries and finding my freedom. I was tired of asking permission to do everything, and I finally didn’t have to.

I barely remember speaking with my family after I left, unless I needed something. The college freshman lifestyle coupled with moving so far away from home helped me forget where I came from, and who I came from - I was looking for more challenges, life had been real easy while I was in Montoursville but I was searching for something further. I knew I had different goals than most kids, my dreams were not to find a wife, start a family or make lots of money... I wanted to go everywhere, try anything & see everything.

I remember the early years when I felt unsubstantial, I would lie about accomplishments just to keep up with conversations about things like concerts, camping & girls. Eventually I made my own stories, and gave up on the “embellishments,” for lack of a better word.

Who's to blame for the man I became? I never had the same bonds with my family as my friends but I have seen the world. Did I decide a long time ago what was important to me? I think that started my junior year of high school, when college was turning into a reality. I was seeing a world full of strangers and I wanted to meet everybody! I think they're responsible for who I've become, family is not just blood. I found friends that were as passionate about new music and travel as I was, and we discovered together how to get it done.

I am thankful for my families love and support, they taught me the values that have helped me make the right choices on this road of life. Looking back I do regret the many times I caused problems, what I did to my loved ones from ages 14 through 20 was the reason I didn't want children. People warn me about the terrible twos, but I'm way more concerned about the teenage years after the way I tested my parents patience.

I know I'm stronger having experienced life this way, I didn't carry the same distractions as most when becoming an adult, I was living for me and hopefully will never look back at the life I wish I would have had. 

Is love Hereditary, or is love Learned? 

Do most people find their inspiration for love from their parents or guardians? 
Is this another reason why I never considered children?
Is this why marriage always seemed like a path to heartbreak?
My sister seems to have figured it out early, maybe the teeny-bopper romance novels started her thinking about love. I think I got it from Hollywood at first, and then some painful personal research over the past two decades. 

Now I'm actually enjoying sharing the responsibility of going through life with someone. I'm 35 and tired of doing everything myself, people have been pairing up since the dawn of time, how have I never seen this before? I'm actually lucky enough to have found love!
Divorce sucks.

For those of you following the story, I'm picking up where I left off.

So Halloween happens, Dot & I sign the lease on our new place, we have dinner one Sunday at my Mom's and things seem OK.  I was just a little concerned about the email chain between my wife-to-be & my sister.  It seemed to be endless and I think it's at that point that I started to feel like I was being excluded from my own wedding. I know most dudes would probably be fine with that, but I wasn't. My sister's vision is not my own, and Dorothy was taking her word like it was mine. Whatever, I brushed it off hoping I was just being paranoid.

I made another commute to Reno for training, it was this trip to Reno that brought something else into my vision, I received a call from my old friend Christina about someone leaving KNSD...

Yeah, no joke. One of the few dudes left after the big layoff was leaving by choice and although I was not interested in being back on the weekends I'm all about making money wherever I can.  I wanted off unemployment and since a wedding was in the works I could not pass up an opportunity. I had a small dream that things might fall back into place the way they were, but after a little research I found out they had trained and promoted a guy from within that had been with NBC Universal longer than I had been.  He truly deserved an opportunity to grow. I'm all about fair and it was. I was now just hoping to get my foot back in the door to hopefully be the next in line.

Anyway, when I came back from Nevada I "interviewed" for the part-time version of my old job.  They wanted me to work the weekends, allowing the staff that remained since my layoff to have their weekends back to themselves. Right on, whatever, I needed money and although the pay wasn't as rewarding as it was before I was into it, it was familiar and after almost a dozen years in the biz I could pretty much do the job with my eyes closed.

At the same time I was also moving from my house on Brighton into our new residence just a mile or so away, on the Famosa Slough. Life was changing fast and I was doing my best to build Dorota & I a home with things like new furniture & a new bed. One day in the middle of this I babysat for my God-daughter, she was growing up so fast I embraced any opportunity they would give me to spend time with her outside of their normal routine. I love that little girl, and really want to help guide her through growing up.

So we had Thanksgiving Dinner at my Mom's, another festive event.  I was put to work assembling a grill or a bed and dinner was great, I'm sure there was wedding talk, maybe this was the time I pronounced I didn't need a budget, we'd just do what we want. The family gasped and told me there was no way I could do it without a budget.  Something didn't feel right, I felt ganged up on, maybe I was just being paranoid but I wasn't comfy. I wanted to be part of the planning, I wanted Dorothy to feel like a Princess and have everything she wanted...

At this point my recent spending for personal fulfillment were fresh memories, it was time to give back and with her help we can afford to do what we want. I am proud to say that today I still haven't looked at a budget. Her parents helped a lot, I sold my boat & bike, we used our tax returns and eventually I'm sure I'll take some money from my Dad. I found what WE wanted for an OK price, and although the big day hasn't happened yet I'm pretty proud of what we've created so far.

So we're all moved in but I never closed down the Brown House. Thanksgivings over, Zach had come down to finalize his moving plans and join the "end of an era" festivities. We had a RAGER, the DJ rocked till the wee hours, everyone signed the walls and we even pissed off the neighbors! (We had hoped for a visit from the police, but I guess in OB they don't come unless more than one household complains... I love this place.)

Overall a great party, I shoveled out the mess and eliminated most of my crap from the premises leaving the general stuff, thinking Damon would need most of it. 
When I spoke with Nick he had changed his mind about something, Damon was no longer allowed to stay. So we had a very short amount of time to fully clean the place while Damon frantically looked for a home.

Nick's a dick and he handled the situation like a true asshole. He had always been a weirdo, but this time he was straight unreasonable.  I'm sad about how Damon and I parted ways, but at the time I was more concerned about my new life.  I just wanted to leave my reference and credit in good standing. I know that is selfish but I'm not living for just myself anymore. I found out not too long after that his luck turned around and San Diego was working out for him, I hope to reconnect after I return from the honeymoon.

I worked a few weekends for NBC and found another weekday opportunity. After a multiply delayed flight due to Sierra snow I was in Reno, Zach had bought me the ticket so I could help pack him up for his move to SD. I was making money every day now, Christmas didn't seem so scary all of a sudden.

So just like clockwork, as soon as my professional life starts coming back together, my personal life begins to suffer.

I was not paying attention to the planning, and Dorothy was upset that I wasn't ready to set a date. I was still trying to assemble my future plans, I hadn't found anything stable so making any financial commitments seemed premature. I went to my family and asked for their opinion, and as family they supported me, they gave me the strength to be honest with my feelings, and my fiancée.

So I let her know, and we started trying to figure out a compromise.

Over the holidays when I wasn't working we found some time to spend with my family, but everything seemed diminished, Dorothy and I weren't getting along that well and my family was not feeling the love... eventually Dot & I figured out our issues and got back on track, so much so that my family may have started to feel neglected, or we started neglecting my family.

A few days prior to New Years Day I found out I had altered my mom's and sisters original plans so we could have dinner together. I never said anything to Dot till we were going to a New Years Eve party.  The next morning we decided that dinner would be a very uncomfortable experience and we should call it off. I figured it was gonna piss them off, I guess I had no idea how much. This is when my family stopped trusting us, including Jason & Dorothy was now a hassle that could leave them feeling let down.

I went dark to them at this point, mostly from embarrassment, but partly so I could put all my energy into turning my life around for the better. I didn't like being the implied charity case every time we went out, so I wanted to become a contributing member of society again. All that really mattered now was taking responsibility for the family I was creating.

We found a routine and it has worked so far; I work the weekends at NBC & weekdays for Hat Trick, in the evenings we have dinner together and on weekend mornings we plan our wedding. We researched the hell out of everything together and we make a good team.  She's persistent enough to get the job done and I keep it all organized.

To be continued...